If Only All Reporters Gave News Like This… Posted on October 10, 2015 by Yves Smith Warning: this is a satire by Jonathan Pie, but I believe the proper description is “epic”. Hat tip abynormal. Post navigation ← Links 10/10/15 Don Quijones: Did the European Court of Justice Just Torpedo the Mother of All US Trade Agreements? → Subscribe to Post Comments 18 comments The Peak Oil Poet October 10, 2015 at 10:22 pm awesome. What a awesomely good fellow. I wish he was running the world. R Foreman October 10, 2015 at 10:29 pm :) nice Wonder if he still has his job. Reporters take a risk when they do this, and they need the public’s sympathy and help. Synoia October 10, 2015 at 10:34 pm The current “English” expression would be “brilliant”. ReaderOfTeaLeaves October 11, 2015 at 12:17 am Epic, even! Terry Flynn October 11, 2015 at 6:46 am He’s a comedian not a reporter! This is satire (and brilliant at that) rwood October 10, 2015 at 10:32 pm Great to see; more! A racket to get into. And mirrors the aphorism about salary and attention, in a fun-house sort of way. RepubAnon October 10, 2015 at 10:34 pm How will they know we care if we don’t bomb them? dk October 11, 2015 at 6:43 am Well they won’t, will they. That’s why we have to. They should be thinking about us, not themselves. Because we are more important than they are. To know us is to love us. Oh yeah. low_integer October 11, 2015 at 7:50 am When I first saw this from aby’s link I was drinking water (or maybe beer) and I did the dance with myself where you almost spit it out because you can’t control your laughter but know it is going all over your laptop if you succumb. It was definitely worth it though. Cheers aby! abynormal October 11, 2015 at 9:08 am yep, it should come with a warning…hands free, mouth dry and animals not under feet. im still laff’n….cheers back@chya! “We have currently a built-in allergy to unpleasant or disturbing information. Our mass media reflect this. But unless we get up off our fat surpluses and recognize that television in the main is being used to distract, delude, amuse, and insulate us, then television and those who finance it, those who look at it, and those who work at it, may see a totally different picture too late. ” Edward R. Murrow “Cram them full of non-combustible data, chock them so dam’d full of ‘facts’ they feel stuffed, but absolutely ‘brilliant’ with information. Then they’ll feel they’re thinking, they’ll get a sense of motion without moving. And they’ll be happy, because facts of that sort don’t change. Don’t give them any slippery stuff like philosophy or sociology to tie things up with. That way lies melancholy.” Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 “A good newspaper, I suppose, is a nation talking to itself.” Arthur Miller “A free press doesn’t mean it’s not a tame press.” *Andrew Vachss “When the New York Times scratches its head, get ready for total baldness as you tear out your hair.” bahahahahaaaaa Christopher Hitchens “Th’ newspaper does ivrything f’r us. It runs th’ polis foorce an’ th’ banks, commands th’ milishy, controls th’ ligislachure, baptizes th’ young, marries th’ foolish, comforts th’ afflicted, afflicts th’ comfortable, buries th’ dead an’ roasts thim aftherward.” Finley Peter Dunne “Humans have an extraordinary ability to forget. Or perversely an inability to remember. Humans will ‘move on’ from a significant tragedy in 2 weeks, a failure of politics in one. Moreover and miserably, a failure in sport will last indefinitely.” Maurice O’Sullivan Aherne “People don’t care about being duped as long as they’re happy, which is the shortest form of happiness; hence ’self-duprication’ becomes a habit.” Criss Jami “The next question is how? How does news find us? What you need is a certain critical literacy about the fact that you are almost always subject to an algorithm. The most powerful thing in your world now is an algorithm about which you know nothing about.” *Kelly McBride “A journalist’s job is to collect information,” Ovid said to Pete. “Nope,” Pete said. “That’s what we do. It’s not what they do.” Dellarobia was unready to be pushed out of the conversation just like that. “Then what do you think the news people drive their Jeeps all the way out here for?” “To shore up the prevailing view of their audience and sponsors.” “Pete takes a dim view of his fellow humans,” Ovid said. “He prefers insects. Dellarobia turned her chair halfway around to face Pete, scraping noisily against the cement floor. “You’re saying people only tune in to news they know they’re going to agree with?” “Bingo,” said Pete.” Barbara Kingsolver, Flight Behavior FrenchToastPlease October 11, 2015 at 2:38 pm Thanks Aby! It’s so refreshing to hear the truth for a change, coming from a TV news reporter, even though he’s really a comedian. The last time I heard the truth from one was Walter Cronkite, at least I thought so, until I found out Walter was the voice of the 40 foot owl at Bohemian Grove. BEast October 11, 2015 at 7:03 pm Ovid: “… a bunch of goddam liars!” Tina: “Like my network would air that kind of language.” Ovid: “I’m sorry, a bunch of goddamn prevaricators.” Tina: “I think we’re done here.” … Dovie: “Got it. I’m uploading it to YouTube now.” ~~~ Then there’s the Australian journalist who asked an American journalist (in re: the Iraq invasion), “Didn’t it occur to you that these people are professional liars?” I might prefer that one, because it actually happened. ben October 11, 2015 at 8:28 am there is nowhere more disgusting than the UK for double-think. Every day there is like swimming in a pool of vomit. Clive October 11, 2015 at 9:11 am Titter ye not. (Or, translated for non-Brits, don’t laugh too much, it’s not funny because the joke is on you). By which I mean, yes, have a good snigger at this great piece of humour. But the fact that it is even amusing is because this satire is actually containing one of the best descriptions of what is our reality you’re likely to hear this year, the descriptions of reality we get from the mainstream media are so bizarrely fictional, they end up being satire. Once we’ve stopped laughing, we should be getting a bit cross at the daily diet of tripe we’re force-fed with. mad as hell. October 11, 2015 at 9:22 am Good piece and it only confirms that I can not stand much more of the irony of Andrea Mitchell,the factual acumen of Brian Williams and the rage of Wolf Blitzer. I think Walter Cronkite has spun in his grave so many times that he is now buried in seaport town somewhere off the coast of China. Norb October 11, 2015 at 10:30 am Makes you appreciate the power of true art in a society. Its interesting that people originally think this is a real reporter when he is a comedian. Good and bad at the same time. We are stuck in wishful thinking mode. There are real reporters who have said the same thing and they are the ones in jail or dead. Not meaning to be a downer- the piece is right on and funny- but there is a tragic sense as well. It’s like the impact of John Stewart of Stephen Colbert are viewed as some sort of victory. Its very tragic. I am reminded of the Federal Theatre Project, a depression era New Deal program designed to give artists and actors work and provide the citizenry of the country with entertainment. If I recall correctly, the program had to be shut down because the theater proved too successful at making people aware of the true cause for their economic plight. The power of art subverted. A true test for people of wealth would be if they would fund artists to document and reflect on our current state of affairs. Well, they won’t. Maybe we should support prison writing and theater programs. Soldiers sharing their stories surrounding tours of duty? On the positive side- artists showing us what the world could be- think about that! Put an end to TINA by making people believe we can make a better world. Art and music that makes us believe in ourselves. This is why we need to support Yves and Lambert the best we can. Paul Handover October 11, 2015 at 10:53 am As a London-born Brit living “across the pond” this brilliant piece will surely touch many, as it did me. For from out of the satire flows the currents of madness we all see; day after day! Yves, thank you for sharing this. Pavel October 11, 2015 at 3:46 pm Yves, thanks so much for this very amusing video… I came across it here much earlier today and now see it is gaining many hits on Zero Hedge — well spotted! More truth in these 3-4 mins than in a week of CNN/ABC/NBC/CBS/Fox/etc… Comments are closed. Tip Jar Please Donate or Subscribe!